you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize