So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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