I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just had sex on a roof
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
