i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
