You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
