I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
