Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
