saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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