I could make wine with my vomit
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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