I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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