worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish you could order shots online.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
