too bad you live with your parents still
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
