Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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