I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
