I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
