they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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