All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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