so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
