I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
