dude i'm inner monologue high
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
