and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
