If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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