oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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