Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
