Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
