Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
