Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
