i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
