In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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