From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
