Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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