so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
