i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
