I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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