Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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