The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
