matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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