I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize