I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
