Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
