I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
