I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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