I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize