the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
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I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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