just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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