where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
