I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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