Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
is wine microwaveable?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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