No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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