If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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