i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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