See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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