You're so nebulous sometimes
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
