I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
