The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
