Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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