I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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