i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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