Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
