If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
