I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
