I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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