Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
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And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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