so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
