pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
