evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
